If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
