We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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