i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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