Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
