There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
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I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
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You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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