Your tits are I can't wait for
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
