The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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