I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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