Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
