If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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