so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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