I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
