Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
