Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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