Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
