I'm going to jail i love you
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
