How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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