Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
