It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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