Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
