my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
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I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
A+ Viking dick
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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