For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
