There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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