I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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