I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
