I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
