I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
