..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
