Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
