hell yes lets make some ravioli
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
