Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
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i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
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You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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