I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
