I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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