Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
