I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
