I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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