we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
