I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
