i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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