I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
