Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Even my vagina gasped.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
