We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
