Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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