I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize