last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
