Pappa wants mamma naked
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Randomize
