no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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