You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
