i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
