Just fell off a train. Bad.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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