I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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