Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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