Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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