id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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