the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
