the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
