it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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