porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
