she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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