Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
