Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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