I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
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