the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
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Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
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just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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