Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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