If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
