HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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