and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Can you bring me the toilet please
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
