Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
