3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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