I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
