my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
