just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
