and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
